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[#] Fri Sep 02 2011 12:11:21 EDT from Sig @ Uncensored

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I like my family. My mom and stepdad are cool people, and we share interests and outlook in a lot of things. They ask my opinion on stuff I know about (computers, military issues, random legal issues) and I ask theirs on stuff they know about (not killing each other after 30 years together). Mom and I are very alike in a lot of ways, and it's relaxing just to sit in the kitchen and drink coffee with someone who GETS IT.

I'm not nearly as close to my Dad. I never lived with him except during the summers, and he's lived a few time zones away for most of my adult life.
But he's a good guy, and he and his wife stayed with us for a week last month and it was great. We did a lot of the same things we did when I was a kid (puttering around in the garage, working on cars, discussing stereo things), but I actually appreciated it a great deal more now. It was fun to do those things voluntarily, as opposed to "because this is what Dad wants to do." I am grateful to have had the opportunity to spend time with him when I can more fully appreciate it.

My older brother has always been there for me, and we complement each other in a lot of ways. He's always been a source of unobtrusive advice and unselfish assistance, be it financial or mechanical or intellectual.

My half-brother is 5 years younger than me, and we were never as close. He was an obnoxious, fairly useless presence in my life for most of my childhood.
He grew up to be a genuinely good, thoughtful guy, however, and we have the common experience of Army combat tours that make him closer in many ways than any of my other family, even if we rarely see each other. He's a commissioned Army chaplain now and I would cheerfully salute him if ever we met in a professional capacity.

I'm really blessed.

And none of them are obsolete, just because I don't need anything from them day to day.

[#] Sat Sep 03 2011 13:13:44 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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Fri Sep 02 2011 10:28:58 EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored

Life isn't exciting enough?

I really should take the skydiving course. shouldn't I?

[#] Sat Sep 03 2011 17:15:03 EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored

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Heh, that's one option.

[#] Sat Sep 03 2011 21:13:12 EDT from LoanShark @ Uncensored

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We need to get this room back on topic:

[#] Sun Sep 04 2011 02:43:39 EDT from triLcat @ Uncensored

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Sat Sep 03 2011 21:13:12 EDT from LoanShark @ Uncensored

We need to get this room back on topic:

that was hilarious. and NSFW.

[#] Sun Sep 04 2011 06:41:10 EDT from dothebart @ Uncensored

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LOL! realy fucking cool.

[#] Sun Sep 04 2011 18:51:15 EDT from zooer @ Uncensored

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That is why we can't have nice things.

[#] Tue Sep 06 2011 05:35:01 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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Need hand-holding. or yelling. I guess it depends on who gets to this post first. I'm really tempted to re-establish contact. I have no idea why. It's just a bad urge. Please remind me of all the reasons that's a shitty idea.


[#] Tue Sep 06 2011 07:02:40 EDT from dothebart @ Uncensored

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theres a reason for that: its a master/slave connection. even if let go / escaped sooner or later the slave will return to his master.

[#] Tue Sep 06 2011 07:34:34 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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Chat with your husband in the evenings, when the kids are in bed and you two sit in front of your own computers. Saying things without eye contact might be easier, for both of you. But do this intentionally to talk about your problems and tell him to do so. If he is cool, you could even roleplay that you both don't know each other. But this is just some bandaid for the symptoms.

Your husband can not give you proper therapy, (for reasons I won't explain here, this has nothing to do with his general capabilities or personality) seek out professional help! Unprofessional help like we can offer only prolongs your solitude, since we don't want to or can't be rude enough to kick you back into the proper orbit again.

If your current doctor doesn't fit your needs, search for a better one. Ask in self-help groups for advice. If everything else fails, you might find and join a fight club there ;)

[#] Tue Sep 06 2011 10:50:49 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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thanks guys. the urge passed without my acting on it. Posting here helps stabilize me. I'm not sure about chatting with my husband. I'll ask him about it. In the meantime, thank you guys for listening. It really helps me not do stupid things when I'm accountable to others.

[#] Tue Sep 06 2011 17:22:31 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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That's a good thing. Also that you are trying to talk about it with your husband. The thing is, you need to get it out to "real" people, people you love and also people who can really help you. Talking  to us is like not talking at all. Noone knows about this, it is like hiding the problem. That eases the pain for a while, but the effect will wear off. Then you'll need to come back here and it might help again for a while. But thats just pretending. You need to see that the problem won't go away if you tell nobody about it. You need to want it to change, to really resolve your situation into something positive.


[#] Tue Sep 06 2011 17:59:50 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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Talk about what? Further discussion with the husband on the subject of the other guy will only prove destructive. Simply focus on improving relationship quality with hubby. Those boredom issues need to be worked on. Get out more. Find some source of stimulus, amusement, whatever. Try base humping. Try to block out some time each week for something new. It's obvious that the two of you need to reconnect.

[#] Wed Sep 07 2011 04:02:56 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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The subject of the other guy is closed with my husband. My sister and three of my closer friends know about it. One of them is a guy, so I can't see him face-to-face, but he dropped ice cream off at my door one day to cheer me up! We joke that we're drinking buddies, but we mostly chat online about migraines and other medical issues. He's a really good guy - we've been friends, and never anything more - for a few years now. One of them lives nearby and has kids that play with my kids, so when I was suicidal, she had us over almost every day so I wouldn't have to be alone. The third lives far enough away that we don't see each other almost ever, but I feel like I can confide in her.

With my husband, I'm trying to work on things. There are so many things going on. He wants to go back to school and get a college degree, and it turns out that his high school has lost his records (?!!) He has to do community service for something that happened several years ago, and that means he's going to have to go into work late and come home late one day a week for a long time which totally sucks, but can't be helped. Plus we both seem to need lots of sleep, so even though the kids are going to bed a lot earlier now, we're still not getting enough time alone :(

Meanwhile, I suck at my job, and I have a hard time focusing, and I spend my time writing uncensored posts instead of working....


[#] Thu Sep 08 2011 10:52:36 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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Sometimes, it feels like life is really against me.

My husband is now going away for a week for work.

Can you say "lousy timing?"

I need one of those single girlfriends who loves to come over and play with the kids.

Because dammit, I'm lonely enough with my husband here for a few hours a day.

I don't know how other women around me do it. I know other women whose husbands are home less, available less, do less around the house, travel more, etc. I don't know how they survive without going insane.

But comparisons don't actually help much.

At least everyone else in my support network is back in town for now, and I'm going to a concert (Air Supply - don't mock me. I enjoy kitsch) on Monday night for the first time in AGES! :) I'm going with my mom and sister, so my husband being away just means I have to find babysitting.

[#] Sat Sep 10 2011 12:41:35 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored

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Yeesh. Coworking looks like Starbucks without the coffee.

[#] Sun Sep 11 2011 03:31:20 EDT from triLcat @ Uncensored

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So I actually heard of this thing called a Jelly, where you co-work from your own home... I currently have one friend at my house working. It is less lonely.


[#] Sun Sep 11 2011 04:02:51 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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Husband may be flying tomorrow morning. Or may not be... I don't know yet.


I obviously hope not.


[#] Fri Sep 16 2011 18:51:44 EDT from anonymous @ Uncensored

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Jelly? Why not just get a dog.. they are great listeners and need to drag you outside for a walk a few times a day.

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