I'm not nearly as close to my Dad. I never lived with him except during the summers, and he's lived a few time zones away for most of my adult life.
But he's a good guy, and he and his wife stayed with us for a week last month and it was great. We did a lot of the same things we did when I was a kid (puttering around in the garage, working on cars, discussing stereo things), but I actually appreciated it a great deal more now. It was fun to do those things voluntarily, as opposed to "because this is what Dad wants to do." I am grateful to have had the opportunity to spend time with him when I can more fully appreciate it.
My older brother has always been there for me, and we complement each other in a lot of ways. He's always been a source of unobtrusive advice and unselfish assistance, be it financial or mechanical or intellectual.
My half-brother is 5 years younger than me, and we were never as close. He was an obnoxious, fairly useless presence in my life for most of my childhood.
He grew up to be a genuinely good, thoughtful guy, however, and we have the common experience of Army combat tours that make him closer in many ways than any of my other family, even if we rarely see each other. He's a commissioned Army chaplain now and I would cheerfully salute him if ever we met in a professional capacity.
I'm really blessed.
And none of them are obsolete, just because I don't need anything from them day to day.
Fri Sep 02 2011 10:28:58 EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored
Life isn't exciting enough?
I really should take the skydiving course. shouldn't I?
Heh, that's one option.
Sat Sep 03 2011 21:13:12 EDT from LoanShark @ Uncensored
that was hilarious. and NSFW.
LOL! realy fucking cool.
That is why we can't have nice things.
Need hand-holding. or yelling. I guess it depends on who gets to this post first. I'm really tempted to re-establish contact. I have no idea why. It's just a bad urge. Please remind me of all the reasons that's a shitty idea.
theres a reason for that: its a master/slave connection. even if let go / escaped sooner or later the slave will return to his master.
Chat with your husband in the evenings, when the kids are in bed and you two sit in front of your own computers. Saying things without eye contact might be easier, for both of you. But do this intentionally to talk about your problems and tell him to do so. If he is cool, you could even roleplay that you both don't know each other. But this is just some bandaid for the symptoms.
Your husband can not give you proper therapy, (for reasons I won't explain here, this has nothing to do with his general capabilities or personality) seek out professional help! Unprofessional help like we can offer only prolongs your solitude, since we don't want to or can't be rude enough to kick you back into the proper orbit again.
If your current doctor doesn't fit your needs, search for a better one. Ask in self-help groups for advice. If everything else fails, you might find and join a fight club there ;)
thanks guys. the urge passed without my acting on it. Posting here helps stabilize me. I'm not sure about chatting with my husband. I'll ask him about it. In the meantime, thank you guys for listening. It really helps me not do stupid things when I'm accountable to others.
That's a good thing. Also that you are trying to talk about it with your husband. The thing is, you need to get it out to "real" people, people you love and also people who can really help you. Talking to us is like not talking at all. Noone knows about this, it is like hiding the problem. That eases the pain for a while, but the effect will wear off. Then you'll need to come back here and it might help again for a while. But thats just pretending. You need to see that the problem won't go away if you tell nobody about it. You need to want it to change, to really resolve your situation into something positive.
The subject of the other guy is closed with my husband. My sister and three of my closer friends know about it. One of them is a guy, so I can't see him face-to-face, but he dropped ice cream off at my door one day to cheer me up! We joke that we're drinking buddies, but we mostly chat online about migraines and other medical issues. He's a really good guy - we've been friends, and never anything more - for a few years now. One of them lives nearby and has kids that play with my kids, so when I was suicidal, she had us over almost every day so I wouldn't have to be alone. The third lives far enough away that we don't see each other almost ever, but I feel like I can confide in her.
With my husband, I'm trying to work on things. There are so many things going on. He wants to go back to school and get a college degree, and it turns out that his high school has lost his records (?!!) He has to do community service for something that happened several years ago, and that means he's going to have to go into work late and come home late one day a week for a long time which totally sucks, but can't be helped. Plus we both seem to need lots of sleep, so even though the kids are going to bed a lot earlier now, we're still not getting enough time alone :(
Meanwhile, I suck at my job, and I have a hard time focusing, and I spend my time writing uncensored posts instead of working....
Sometimes, it feels like life is really against me.
My husband is now going away for a week for work.
Can you say "lousy timing?"
I need one of those single girlfriends who loves to come over and play with the kids.
Because dammit, I'm lonely enough with my husband here for a few hours a day.
I don't know how other women around me do it. I know other women whose husbands are home less, available less, do less around the house, travel more, etc. I don't know how they survive without going insane.
But comparisons don't actually help much.
At least everyone else in my support network is back in town for now, and I'm going to a concert (Air Supply - don't mock me. I enjoy kitsch) on Monday night for the first time in AGES! :) I'm going with my mom and sister, so my husband being away just means I have to find babysitting.
Yeesh. Coworking looks like Starbucks without the coffee.
So I actually heard of this thing called a Jelly, where you co-work from your own home... I currently have one friend at my house working. It is less lonely.
Husband may be flying tomorrow morning. Or may not be... I don't know yet.
I obviously hope not.