Synthroid. Forgot about that. because it didn't work the last time. but I didn't take enough, I guess.
last time I took 500 mcg. twice that... might work. and isn't enough to cause vomiting. hmmmn.
not bad enough right now. but maybe later. we'll see.
Romeo and Juliet? Really?
More like dumb and dumber. Only I'm playing both leads. and I'm tired of it.
Not a joke. not sure how serious I am. It fluctuates minute to minute. If people around me were a little more aware of what was going on around them, I'd be in a hospital at this point.
And I blew the tiny bit of cover I had. whatever. It's not like you all didn't know who I was... I'm the only married girl here who's this much of an idiot.
I've never succeeded before. No reason to believe I'll succeed now.
I'm a miserable failure at everything else. Can't imagine this is where I'll stop failing.
I do not take suicide lightly, wether it's joking, as a threat, or an actual fucking attempt!
Suicide is NOT an answer no matter how depressed you feel or how stuck you think you are.
If something is miserable, then CHANGE THE SITUATION!
Bring attention to your suffering and need for understanding to someone that actually matters to you and will listen. If not your husband, than someone else that actually gives a damn.
A threat of suicide that is heard by my ears gets a call to 911 (or local authorities) that can put a mandatory suicide watch on the person.
Think of the people you'll leave behind if you actually succeed in killing yourself.
Put your foot down and say "This is how it's going to be. This is what is changing for the better. If nobody is willing to help me make things better then I'll do it MY FUCKING SELF!"
There's an old joke that I tell to everyone: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive,... try missing a few car payments"
Think twice before you make decisions that will affect your life and love. You'll never know who will step forward to slap you in the face if you're in the wrong.
I agree with skpacman!
I know that you are feeling really bad at this point. If you kill yourself, this is where it ends. That's a terrible ending to your life. I know that it doesn't seem worth it right now but give it some time. In a few days, weeks, months - things can be different. You and your husband could really learn from this low point and your relationship could really grow. Or you could go your separate ways and find someone who really loves you for you. Please talk to a professional and get some help! Sometimes the worst voice to listen to is our own mental one - it's jaded, tired and colored by our past and our perceptions. We're all screw ups in one way or another! It doesn't make you worthless!
Ok. So take me off suicide watch for the night. Husband and sister have helped me a lot.
I'm still feeling miserable, but not bad enough to want to die.
Besides, it would be really embarrassing to be the one who died because she was embarrassed over having had an online relationship...
Sister points out the truth which is that the whole thing was all about the adrenaline. not about a guy. not about sex. just about adrenaline.
I should take up skydiving.
It's expensive, but so's divorce.
I love my husband. Things haven't been great lately, but he's still the only one I want coming home at night. He's gentle and kind. He's devoted to me. He's honest and trustworthy - more than I am, apparently. He's fun to be with. He's a good father. He brings home a good salary. He's home at a reasonable hour most nights, even if it means he has to work from home sometimes. He understands me as well as anyone I've ever known, except maybe my sister, but my sister's not exactly marriage material. He has more patience for my nonsense than most people - and I have plenty of nonsense, as evidenced by my earlier display.
We're trying to raise the intensity because I obviously need more intensity. I'm not sure it's making things better. Maybe we'll find a therapist. Or maybe I'll go skydiving.
Don't worry. I'll use a 'chute.
I suspect our pseudo-anonymous friend can't dial those 1-800 numbers.
Regardless, she should be okay with her husband and sister.
I don't know if it means anything, but I've been much more depressed than usual lately, too. Maybe there's something going around. It has always helped me to remember that it passes, and times get better.
It may be chemical. Hmm... adrenaline... hell, you can get that without having to go skydiving, but I'd rather you consider safer alternatives than what I considered.
(and, no, I didn't figure out who it was because of what you wrote here... I would never have known)
yep, something is definately going around... it's called LIFE... deal with it.
Stephen D King
I should also say because of several things going on in my life I feel like crap also, so maybe something is going around. It will get better.
I have years invested in my fantasy world. I'm not about to just drop it for anything as pointless as a real life.
I really hope, when I'm ridiculously old, that I do things like mistake a coat for a watermelon. I very strongly suspect I'm going to be the kind of old man that makes up silly rhymes and uses nonsense words at peculiar times.
Joking aside, I do probably spend more time in a kind of fantasy world than real life. I'm just grounded enough to know that. How the hell else could it be for me? I spend so much time looking at things that have no physical attributes, and conjuring stuff with the powers of my wiggling fingers and sharp imagination, that I couldn't really imagine what living in the real world would be like.
But then, that's why I think I need a vacation at the moment.
Wed Aug 24 2011 09:52:03 PM EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored
... I very strongly suspect I'm going to be the kind of old man that makes up silly rhymes and uses nonsense words at peculiar times.
You do that now, fleeb - but it's part of what we love about you. ;-)
I have years invested in my fantasy world. I'm not about to just drop
it for anything as pointless as a real life.
I love this. I just tweeted it out, attributing it to you, of course. :)
well, life started to be miserable over here too at the moment I fell of that bike three weeks ago.
I sort of started to drop into a depression too, though things get remarkeably better day by day.
Yesterday was a real big step with my first physio lesson, after which I could passively bend my knee enough to sit down on a toilet again without artistic extravagancies.
though feeling like after heavy sports after walking home 500m from the supermarket is realy depressive compared to the altitude gains I did the wednesday before:
(you can click it in that graph)
going to take a frustrating lot of excercise to get back into that shape :-(
Big mood drop again.
Am exerting all my willpower not to take the pills.
I should probably be hospitalized now.
I'd be really screwing my boss though.
She's on vacation and there's no one who could cover my work.
she'd probably lose the client. which means I'd lose my job and she'd possibly lose her business.