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[#] Fri Nov 05 2004 22:42:30 EST from georbit @ Haven BBS

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> 10. "With a poll like that, I'm surprised he can gallup at all."

ha!

[#] Fri Nov 12 2004 08:52:10 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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(no text)

[#] Fri Nov 12 2004 08:54:31 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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And one more:

Dear Dogbert,

When I order wine at a nice restaurant, the server hands me the cork. What am I supposed to do with the stupid cork?

Melissa


Dear Molester,

This is your opportunity to show off your fine breeding. Confidently grab the cork and sniff daintily with one nostril while inserting a finger into the other nostril, up to the second knuckle. If the cork.s odor is agreeable, take a bite of the cork
and chew it while shuddering in delight. Then grab your throat, bug out your eyes, and make a choking noise. Grab a pen and write "Heimlich Maneuver" on a napkin and wave it for help. When no one offers to help, throw yourself over the back of a
chair, land on your sternum, and spit cork debris in the direction of anyone who appears to be reaching for a disposable camera to record your death. Then sit back down and say to the server, "Very good."

[#] Sat Nov 13 2004 07:09:48 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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Yasser Arafat goes to a fortune teller and asks her "Can you tell me when
I will die?"

The fortune teller gazes into her crystal ball and says to him "I can see
that you will die on a Jewish holiday."

"But which Jewish holiday?" Arafat asks.

The fortune teller looks at him and says "Any day you die will be a Jewish
holiday."

[#] Sat Nov 13 2004 07:19:33 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the
woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape,
size, color and material imaginable.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of
bras to choose from."

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: "There are the
Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which
one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the
fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist
makes mountains out of mole hills."

[#] Sat Nov 13 2004 07:20:19 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for,
it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Damn!
{DD} Double damn!!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

[#] Sat Nov 13 2004 07:22:06 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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Onions & Christmas Trees

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father,
"Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of
breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and
firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but
hanging a bit. And, after fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes. You see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter. So the daughter said, "Mom, how
many kinds of penises are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her husband. Then, she
answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through phases. In a man's twenties,
his penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties,
it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. Then, after his fifties, it
is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks

"Yes. It's dead from the root up & the balls are only for decoration!"

[#] Sat Nov 13 2004 07:49:47 EST from Zaya @ PixelBBS

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BTW ;) DD = E E isn't used and typicaly neither is F... DDD=F

[#] Sat Nov 13 2004 07:53:30 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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I don't make 'em up I just post 'em.

[#] Sat Nov 13 2004 14:02:01 EST from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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I'm dyslexic, post .jpg's...

[#] Sat Nov 13 2004 23:54:14 EST from Freakdog @ Dog Pound BBS II

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BTW ;) DD = E E isn't used and typicaly neither is F... DDD=F

According to my wife, DD=F.

And, I'm afraid that she'd know.

[#] Sun Nov 14 2004 07:40:38 EST from Bafleyanne @ PixelBBS

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No, I concur. DD=E, DDD=F.

[#] Sun Nov 14 2004 09:57:30 EST from Zaya @ PixelBBS

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Freaky... She's not correct I'm afraid *I* know... As does Baf, and I can find plenty of lingerie sites to concur... :)

[#] Sun Nov 14 2004 09:58:26 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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It was a joke. Can we not turn it into a series of debates on bra sizes? :)

[#] Sun Nov 14 2004 09:59:48 EST from Zaya @ PixelBBS

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*laugh* ok ;) Well next time get the joke right then ;) Of course a man probably wrote it and doesn't know any better ;)

[#] Sun Nov 14 2004 10:00:06 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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Again: I don't make 'em up, I just post 'em :)

[#] Sun Nov 14 2004 10:00:41 EST from calibur @ PixelBBS

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I'm afraid that I wouldn't know at all.

[#] Sun Nov 14 2004 10:01:00 EST from Zaya @ PixelBBS

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*laugh* I know I was teasing... ;)

[#] Mon Nov 15 2004 05:39:14 EST from Patriot @ PixelBBS

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Warning: This on'e s e's a real goroaner ;)




A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad
habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to
keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his
wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so
he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard.
The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the
sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and
proclaimed...

..."A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

[#] Mon Nov 15 2004 11:23:39 EST from Freakdog @ Dog Pound BBS II

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(no text)

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