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[#] Mon Nov 20 2006 19:55:24 EST from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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"A major research institution has just announced the discovery
of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has
been named "Bushcronium." Bushcronium has one neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are
held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded
by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The
symbol for Bushcronium is "W". Bushcronium's mass actually
increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various
elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons
in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic
of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Bushcronium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium
activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of
magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has
1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons."

[#] Sun Nov 26 2006 11:39:06 EST from triLcat @ Uncensored

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_22irDutNEg

from Robot Chicken - safe for work, if you can watch videos at work. 



[#] Mon Nov 27 2006 22:01:37 EST from mightbme @ Haven BBS

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Eh, ugly cut and paste accident...


Horsepower

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off'. The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on. On your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?






Answer: Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round (carousel, for the internationals out there...)

[#] Tue Dec 05 2006 17:11:33 EST from Freakdog @ Dog Pound BBS II

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The first day after Christmas my true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite
Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The third day after Christmas, my mother caught the croup;
I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup
The four calling birds were a big mistake, for their language was obscene.
The five gold rings were completely fake and they turned my fingers green

The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn't lay,
I gave the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A.
On the seventh day what a mess I found
All seven of the swimming swans had drowned
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect,
I bundled up the eight maids a milking, nine pipers piping
Ten ladies dancing, 'leven lords a leaping,
Twelve drummers drumming and sent them back collect
I wrote my true love, "We are through, love",
and I said in so many words,

"Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds!"

[#] Fri Dec 08 2006 01:20:39 EST from Groo the Wanderer @ Uncensored

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There is this group meeting.  Everyone with mental problems goes to this meeting and talks about their problems and it is usualy a very good experience.  One day at the meeting everyone noticed that Joe was missing, the parrinoid guy.  He's usualy the first there.

So the doctor sends everyone to look for him and bring him back.

An hour later Joe appears and asks the doctor where is everyone.

The doctor replies, "they are all out to get you."

 

 

 



[#] Fri Dec 08 2006 02:04:44 EST from georbit @ Haven BBS

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Ha!

[#] Sat Dec 23 2006 22:51:22 EST from rwolfe @ Uncensored

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Mon 30 Oct 2006 03:04:50 PM EST from wabewalker@uncnsrd

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name.
It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as others see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name wait for it is
http://www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
http://www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at:
http://www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at:
http://www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company:
http://www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
http://www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
http://www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church Their website is
http://www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's the Speed of Art brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
http://www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at
http://www.gotahoe.com

And from #10s website:

1-800-GoTahoe



[#] Sat Dec 23 2006 23:23:49 EST from girthta @ Uncensored

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OK, yea, thanks for playing...


[#] Fri Sep 01 2006 00:12:45 EDT from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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[#] Sun Oct 29 2006 19:43:15 EST from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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Oct 26 2006 12:20pm from triLcat @uncnsrd (Uncensored)
this joke assumes there is a Heaven...

oh my. Curly posted it...

this means he's a CMF!!!!!


<Curly watches trilcat's head explode as she enters the world of recursion>

[#] Sun Oct 29 2006 19:44:59 EST from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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Oct 26 2006 1:44pm from girthta @uncnsrd (Uncensored)
i doubt that heaven is GW's ultimate destination


I'd like to see Dubya get an accidental overdose of botox and live out the remainder of his life in an iron lung.

[#] Mon Nov 20 2006 19:55:24 EST from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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"A major research institution has just announced the discovery
of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has
been named "Bushcronium." Bushcronium has one neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are
held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded
by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The
symbol for Bushcronium is "W". Bushcronium's mass actually
increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various
elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons
in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic
of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Bushcronium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium
activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of
magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has
1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons."

[#] Mon Nov 27 2006 21:57:57 EST from mightbme @ Haven BBS

Subject: . What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous

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Subject:
Horsepower

oblem:

[#] Mon Nov 27 2006 22:01:37 EST from mightbme @ Haven BBS

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Eh, ugly cut and paste accident...


Horsepower

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off'. The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on. On your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?






Answer: Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round (carousel, for the internationals out there...)

[#] Fri Dec 08 2006 02:04:44 EST from georbit @ Haven BBS

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Ha!

[#] Sat Jan 06 2007 12:22:41 EST from jeffg @ Uncensored

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A priest, an alcoholic, and a pedophile walk into a bar.

And that's just the first guy!



[#] Sat Jan 06 2007 17:35:48 EST from fleeb @ Uncensored

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The second one was his altar boy.


[#] Mon Jan 08 2007 21:17:43 EST from curly surmudgeon @ Dog Pound BBS II

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Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups.

He pushes the earth down.

[#] Tue Jan 16 2007 07:17:39 EST from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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Creeeepppppyyy Old Men, and the Golddiggers that love them
Date: 2006-12-04, 3:17PM PST


ahem

Just so we are very clear.

For arguments sake, let us define the "Position", P, as your standard 20 something "hot chick" on her knees, top off, mouth wide open ready to recieve a standard male member.

The rate at which said 20 something reaches the "Position" is a function of the man's physical attractiveness( A), wealth (W), and percieved power/ influence (I) ( CEO/ politican/ or outlaw biker factor) and has pratically nothing to do with
intelligence, morals, values how nice he is. This relationship can be derived via classical ladder theory and is expressed as:

dP/dt = aA+bW+cI

Where a, b and c are weighting factors. Emperical studies show that in general for all women c>b>a, so power and wealth more strongly influence dP/dt.

Escorts, who assume the Position for any guy regardless of age
or looks for an agreed upon fee can be fit into this theory if we generalize that the wealth term W, is really an expectation of wealth transfer over a given time frame, delta t. Then we see that there is an equivlence to a wealthy man that will
transfer money and gifts over a long time period in return for many servicings and an ordinary man who pays the fee for one hour of servicing, implying:

W = (Money Transfered)/t or

W = (MT/t)

So the theory holds.

The formula can be generalized to all women by adding a term that tends to decrease dP/dt with age for the woman, but for now we can keep it simple by assuming that all women under the age of, say , 32 can be described as essentially escorts, trading
sex for status and stuff.

Now, if we assume that the definition of creepy is dP/dt => O, or infinite time for her to achieve position P, then

0= aA+bW+cI

A=-(bW+cI)/a

A = (-b/a)W + (-c/a)I

This
implies that if the guy has even a modicum of wealth or percieved power ( either outlaw or legitimate) then for him to be considered creepy he would have to lack teeth and muscle tone, weigh 400 lbs, and smell like a diseased farm hog.

This then explains the origional poster. She is on a bart train, where she has no way of acertaing either W or I from simply looking at the guy that is looking at her, so she assumes worst case low values. Since she assumes W and I to be low to non
existant (where any guy making a middle class living is considered to be at 0 for both W and I), A would have to be very large (male Calvin Klein Model type) to get dP/dt positive. Hence, the guy is considered "creepy".

However, if the same guy were met, let's say, at a reception at an art gallery and was introduced as a very successful corporate sales executive driving a late model imported sports car, he might
find it a tad embarrising explaing why there was a half naked young woman on the floor in front of him tugging on his fly.

It also explains the guy on the bart train. He knows he has money and or influence, and from experience knows that girls just like her are avaialable to him almost at a whim. But he has no way to communicate his W or I accurately, and since his A is
never usually a problem, he does not understand the impact of its low intrinsic value.

So we can see, the definition "creepy" is really a non existant concept, instead simply the result of an inability to communicate proper W and I values in a public setting, or the unfortunate consequence of the rare man who has low A, I and W values,
in which case the original poster just likes bashing the unfortunate.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/244121909.html

[#] Thu Jan 18 2007 04:26:39 EST from georbit @ Haven BBS

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lol

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