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[#] Sun Feb 19 2006 13:50:56 EST from georbit @ Haven BBS

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From the website:

"I heard Raj Subnani and other doctors had a tough time digging pellets out of Harry Whittington, a lawyer out of Austin, Texas.

"The hospital website had the best image of the procedure. I should warn you there is some nudity."

http://www.cockeyed.com/images/whittington.shtml

[#] Thu Feb 23 2006 19:21:18 EST from mannie @ Anansi-Del

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You're much better off with Ted, he has many more years experience at drunk driving now.

[#] Fri Apr 21 2006 16:48:30 EDT from Bimbette @ Anansi-Del

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I was rather hoping to find something in this room to find offensive, then bitch and moan about. Or at least moan, as most people have a stated preference for that.

Oh, well.

 

At least I don't have to relearn to format. Again.



[#] Sun Apr 23 2006 18:09:24 EDT from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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I like moaners...

[#] Mon May 15 2006 17:50:37 EDT from Bimbette @ Anansi-Del

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Mmm. Thanks for proving my point.

[#] Tue May 16 2006 17:53:10 EDT from Rocci @ Anansi-Del

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Then there's the vocal ones...

[#] Wed May 17 2006 21:42:14 EDT from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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Better than the ones with claws that require stitches afterward.

[#] Wed May 24 2006 00:22:37 EDT from Rocci @ Anansi-Del

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The trip to the hospital would be rather inconvenient.

[#] Tue Aug 29 2006 10:37:03 EDT from Ultravox @ Anansi-Del

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True or not, I like it.

....a true story ..

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England
town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning,
the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike,
she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She
hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to
the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron
in the store:

Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The
woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous
baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star-struck woman
smiled demurely.

Pull yourself together! she chides herself. You're a happily married
woman with three children; you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!
The clerk filled
her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream
cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then when she went out the
door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.

When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change
but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in
the store?

Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the
clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. But no ice cream
cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His
face broke into his familiar warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman:
"You put it in your purse."

[#] Fri Sep 01 2006 00:12:45 EDT from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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[#] Mon Sep 04 2006 19:05:40 EDT from Rocci @ Anansi-Del

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The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and
this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a
visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or
not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty
the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person
would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"


DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

[#] Thu Oct 26 2006 10:58:21 EDT from curly surmudgeon @ Dog Pound BBS II

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Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells
him, "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths that some people
will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some
chalk?" Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly
appear? Einstein proceeds to describe with care, mathematics, symbols and his
theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!", he says.
"Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Pablo Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for
credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, " Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches
a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the
great artist you claim to be!", he says.
"Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his
head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How
can you prove yours?"

George W. Bush looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

[#] Thu Oct 26 2006 11:17:14 EDT from curly surmudgeon @ Dog Pound BBS II

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From Usenet:

Alternative energy sources
n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.

Bankruptcy
n. (1) A punishable crime committed by poor people.
(2) A reasonable, often desirable business decision for corporations

Cheney, Dick

n. The greater of two evils.

Climate change
n. An event which may or may not occur that will hopefully cause the blue states
to be swallowed by the oceans.

Compassionate conservatism
n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

Creationism
n. Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is
totally coincidental.

DeLay, Tom
n. 1. Past tense of De Lie;
2. Patronage saint.

Democracy
n. A form of government so extensively exported that the domestic supply
has been depleted.

Fox News
fict. Faux news.

Free markets
n. Halliburton windfall no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

Girly men
n. Males who do not
grope women inappropriately.

Growth
n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes for the rich.

Habeas corpus
n. Archaic. (Lat.) Legal term no longer in use (See Patriot Act).

Healthy forest
n. No tree left behind.

Honesty
n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences -- e.g., "Saddam is supporting Al
Queda." "This
administration has never said that Saddam supported Al Queda." "Things are going
well in Iraq ."

House of Representatives
n. Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million.

Laziness
n. A condition prevalent among poor people who are not working.

Leisure
n. A condition prevalent among wealthy people who are not working.

9/11
n. Tragedy used to justify any administrative policy, particularly
unconstitutional policies.

No Child Left Behind
riff. 1. There are always jobs available
in the military.

Ownership society
n. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the
wealth.

Patriot Act
n. The preemptive strike on American freedoms to prevent terrorists from
destroying American freedoms.

Pro-life
adj. Valuing human life until the moment that life results in birth.

Senate
n. Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million.

Simplify
v. Cutting the taxes of Republican donors.

Staying the course
interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid, ineffective thing over and
over, regardless of the result.

Shit happens
interj. Slang. Donald Rumsfeld.

Voter fraud
n. A significant minority turnout.

Wal-Mart
n. The nation-state, future tense.

Water
n. Arsenic storage device.

Woman
n. 1. Person who can be trusted to bear a child but can't be trusted to decide
whether or not she wishes to bear a child.
2. Person
who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made
by a select group of men, none of whom she would want to have sex with in the
first place.


(source unknown)

[#] Thu Oct 26 2006 12:20:38 EDT from triLcat @ Uncensored

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this joke assumes there is a Heaven...

oh my. Curly posted it...

this means he's a CMF!!!!! 



[#] Thu Oct 26 2006 13:44:53 EDT from girthta @ Uncensored

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i doubt that heaven is GW's ultimate destination


[#] Sun Oct 29 2006 19:43:15 EST from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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Oct 26 2006 12:20pm from triLcat @uncnsrd (Uncensored)
this joke assumes there is a Heaven...

oh my. Curly posted it...

this means he's a CMF!!!!!


<Curly watches trilcat's head explode as she enters the world of recursion>

[#] Sun Oct 29 2006 19:44:59 EST from Curly Surmudgeon @ Haven BBS

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Oct 26 2006 1:44pm from girthta @uncnsrd (Uncensored)
i doubt that heaven is GW's ultimate destination


I'd like to see Dubya get an accidental overdose of botox and live out the remainder of his life in an iron lung.

[#] Sun Oct 29 2006 21:52:28 EST from Grey Elf @ Uncensored

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What do two lesbians do when they are both menstrauting?

Finger-painting.

[#] Sun Oct 29 2006 23:23:12 EST from athos-mn @ Uncensored

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A hillbilly was about to be married when his bride-to-be told him he was a virgin. Shocked and horrified, he immediately fled the chapel and ran home to his father. After telling his father that he found out his fiancé was a virgin, his pappy replied, "You did well, son. If she's not good enough for her own family, she's shore not good enough for ours!"


[#] Mon Oct 30 2006 04:47:25 EST from triLcat @ Uncensored

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<Curly watches trilcat's head explode as she enters the world of recursion>

Actually, it's not recursive, it's just plain hypocritical.

 



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